Space Flora Origins: The Apple Death Star

Space Flora Origins: The Apple Death Star

[Conversation intercepted between two workers at the WELCOME APPLE CONSTRUCTION SITE. Playing now... ]

“I got no idea how we’re gonna finish this. This thing is huge. Why is it so big anyways?”

“So the plants can see it in space. The whole point is to show ‘em that we welcome ‘em, so it’s gotta be big.”

“But plants don’t have eyes. How are they gonna see it?”

“Iunno, that’s above my paygrade. Why are you stressin’ over the construction time anyhow? It’s a government contract — No, a UN contract. These contracts are always slow.”

“I don’t know... Hey, can I ask you something?”

“I’m not givin’ you another twenty.”

“Nah nah.... Does this kinda... Look like a death star to you?”

“A what?”

“A death star, from those space movies.”

“I’ve never seen ‘em.”

“You’ve never seen the biggest space franchise in the history of cinema?”

“Nah... Not big on space stuff.”

“... What do you mean you’re not big on space stuff, you WORK in space!”

“I’m just here for the pay, man. Soon as my contract’s up, I’m never leaving Earth again.”

“For over a hundred thousand years, your ancestors looked up at the sky and wanted to explore it, and now we’re here, building this death star thing to welcome literal space flora, and you just wanna go back to Earth? Have you no shame?”

“Ah, what can ya do.”

“You’re unbelievable... And worse, you haven’t even seen the most definite space movies ever made.”

“Yeah so what is a death star anyhow? This ain’t a star. It’s like, an apple.”

“It’s the secret base of the big bad dude, who’s like a space wizard.”

“Like Merlin?”

“No he’s got a cool sword.”

“So Merlin.”

“He’s not like Merlin! Arthur was the one with the sword anyhow!”

“Big difference. So it’s a secret base shaped like an apple?”

“No, it’s not... It’s not shaped like an apple, it’s like, round. And destroys planets. But this kinda looks like the death star.”

“I don’t see how, if the base star is round and this thing’s an apple.”

“Death star, and it just has a similar look. It makes me uneasy, like we’re building something evil.”

“Well I guess somebody’s gotta build space Merlin’s evil hideout, so might as well be us.”

“So you’d be fine with this, if this is like, some secret weapon to destroy all the space flora.”

“I got a pollen allergy, so yeah, I’m fine with that.”

“You’re not taking me seriously!”

“Yeah, ‘cuz you’re ridiculous. Look, the plans ain’t got room for no secret weapons or nothin’, so just relax, kid, alright? Oh, maron...”

“Yeah, I guess so... Hey.”

“What?”

“Do you think they’ll like it?”

“The space flowers?”

“Yeah.”

“My daughter thinks so. She’s a botanist, so she’d know, I think. A plant’s a plant, right?”

“Well, ours don’t really fly around in space but... I hope they like it.”

“Hey, between you and me? I do too. Just so if they decide to kill us all for all them Ceasar Salads, they’ll show us two mercy.”

“I didn’t take you for a salad guy.”

“You’re pushing your luck today, you know that? Now let’s finish this bit quietly so space Merlin don’t hear us slackin’ off.”

“Yes, sir.”

[END RECORDING]


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