Space Flora Origins: The Great Space Flora Butterfly

Space Flora Origins: The Great Space Flora Butterfly

So, you want to know the story, huh? Okay, I’ll tell you… If you buy the next round.

It zooms past the stars, inside the small corner of our galaxy… Beelining for our sun. With me strapped to its back. This wasn’t quite how this was supposed to go.

We’d spotted the lifeform that we could only call a “space butterfly” somewhere around Neptune, and seeming docile, we decided on attempting first contact… First contact ending with me stuck to the butterfly as the mother of all lightbulbs at the center of our system attracted its attention. My crew tried their best to keep up, but this thing’s going ludicrous speeds.

The sun might just give this bug’s exoskeleton a tan, but if it flies any closer, it won’t be long until I’m barbecue. I pull and twist, put my back into it, and I finally free my arm from the thick, pollen-coated hairs across the butterfly’s back. Success! Only, now that I’m looking around, I see—hold on, let me take a sip of this—now I see that I’d be stranded in the middle of the darkest nowhere if I let go.

I might be free, but the situation makes me this bug’s unwilling passenger for a while longer. The hope was that it’d fly me close enough to something that I could jump to, maybe even float to, though that last part is a lot easier in movies. One wrong move, you know, just off by a little bit, and you’re floating off into the beyond with no way of stopping.

But, on this beautiful miracle’s back, everything’s zooming by so fast, and honestly, its a good pathfinder. No debris or anything in the way. I can feel the heat of the sun against my suit… It’s looking bad.

But, something twinkles in the corner of my eye… It’s a ship! An abandoned one, sure, but it’s something I can maybe lasso onto using my grappling hook. I only get one shot at this though, miss, and I might as well smear myself with sauce and get ready for cookin’. I line up my shot, I got my hook ready, and just as the ship flies overhead, I fire! It hits!

But, what it hit dawns on me when it is torn loose from the ship. A fuel canister, which, due to the impact, is now unstable… And will cook and explode if we get any closer to the sun. Crud, I think to myself.

No no, you’re right, the fuel canister was heavy, and it was pulling my body, threatening to pull me off the butterfly entirely. I don’t know much, the adrenaline’s pumping through me after all, but I do know that if I don’t release this canister, things are gonna get worse real quick. So, I disengage the rope, it floats off…

… And gets stuck to the butterfly’s butt! Double crud! I know I can’t reasonably crawl to the back of the butterfly’s bottom, I’m hardly holding on as it is! So, desperation kicks in. I… Grab the butterfly’s antennae. Oh, I feel bad when I think back at it, it must’ve hurt. But, I was completely out of options, so I start pulling at them, trying to see if I can like, steer the thing! Its completely fascinated by the sun, but I manage to steer its head right, where through its amazing eyes, spots something pink off in the distance.

It changes course, I’m safe. I breathe, cry a little, you know. Do the little sob they’ll edit out in the movie, I’m sure. I see the pink object’s a flower, and I think, amazing, my team can pick me up off that. The nightmare’s over…

… Until the Venus Flytrap appears behind the flower. And it looks very, very hungry.

So then—Hold on, I gotta take this. Yeah? Now? Yeah okay. Just wait there, ok? I’ll be right down. Sorry, I gotta go. But, don’t think I’ll forget! You owe me the next round!


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